If you need a refresher, go back and read Part One. Let me warn you, I take my ice cream far too seriously. Don’t judge me, and don’t stand in between me and my frozen sugar-dairy.
My second email to Breyers was pretty impassioned:
A quick look around America should tell you that Americans don’t usually know or do what’s best for them. Those who are in power (which in the ice cream world is people like you) should have the integrity to give the people something good, not a cheaper, hyper-processed version of what you used to offer.
I ended with the immortal words of Gandhi (or something similar, anyway), “Be the ice cream that you wish to see in this world.”
Breyers didn’t give me the courtesy of responding to my second email.
And I haven’t given them the courtesy of buying their ice cream since then.
Haagen-Dazs Is an American Word
The second ice cream manufacturer that I emailed was Haagen-Dazs. You know, that fancy foreign ice cream.
A little high-brow research through a very legitimate source (cough-wikipedia-cough) taught me that Haagen-Dazs was actually started by a couple New Yorkers in the 60s. The made-up name was meant to sound somewhat Danish, but doesn’t actually match the Danish language. So there’s that.
I emailed them to tell them how much I loved their limited edition Blueberry Crumble ice cream from about a year ago. Sadly, since it was limited edition, they stopped making it.
So naturally, I asked them kindly if they could start making it again, or else if they could give me the recipe so I could just make it on my own.
They thanked me for my email and said how they are “delighted to hear from our consumers.” I love being called a consumer. Just warms me up on the inside.
They also told me that they would forward my comments “to the appropriate departments for review.”
So I responded and asked if that meant they weren’t going to give me the recipe.
I also said that if they started making it again I would buy a lot of it, and that they could forward that to the appropriate department as well.
I haven’t heard back from them either, and I’m quickly running out of ice creams that I respect…
(Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion to this riveting trilogy)